A Monster's Life II
by The Skeleton King
Summary: The Long awaited sequel.....please review, and stuff


Disclaimer: No, I don't own Diablo, Diablo 2, or Hellfire. Hellfire is used in this story, even though Ive never played it in my life, and I first heard of it last week. Everything is owned by Blizzard or Bill Gates. Ok...I broke down and tried to put something funny up here.  
  
A Monster's Life II  
  
Yo! Wassup everyone? This is Zax....the Blood Knight? The demon who got the warrior to jam the soulstone into his head? No? The guy who got really drunk with Diablo? Ok? Do you remember me now? Ok, you do? Good. This is the story about when Diablo lost his pet/best friend, and made a new one. Ok....well...enjoy this story about the Misadventures of Two Blood Knights and a Diablo. The story is not going to start out narrarated by me, by the way.  
  
He was a warrior. He walked through the dungeon, occasionally hacking and slicing things in his way. He was wearing Field Plate, a Full Helm, and used a King's Sword of Slaughter. His shield......was of the Tower variety, and he wore no rings or amulets. He thought them to be fruity. His name was Phil. Phil the Warrior. Phil walked forward. A fallen stepped in his way. He was unique, and his name was Purafat the Magician(Author's Note: This is a Fallen I fought once. He gave me an Axe of the Sky. But no one I know believes he exists. WHY!? WHY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE ME?! NOOOOO!!) Phil hit Purafat(HE EXISTS, I SAY!!), and Purafat(----Exists!) fell, and dropped an odd looking item. Phil couldn't see it too well through his helm, so he removed it, and with his free hand, picked up the item. It was a teddy bear.  
"What the hell is this thing? Unless I can use it as a weapon or a shield, its useless.", Phil said, flinging the Teddy Bear onto the ground. Then Phil walked off, into deeper recesses of the dungeon.  
Diablo was in his quarters on level 16, tearing all of his stuff apart.  
"DAMMIT!", he screamed, while tearing out his dresser drawers."Where is he?!"Damien and I looked at each other.  
"Where's Steinivotchski!?", Diablo yelled, grabbing Sir Gorash and shaking him.  
"How the fuck should I know? I'm not in charge of your stupid Teddy Bear.", Sir Gorash said.  
"STEINIVOTCHSKI ISN'T STUPID!!!!", Diablo screamed.  
"Then why did he get lost?", Sir Gorash asked.  
".........SHUT UP!!!", Diablo yelled, then through Sir Gorash through the wall. Just then, The Skeleton King walked in. (Authors note: Whenever the Skeleton King walks in, it's basically an Authors Note....Unless he has to be in the story)  
"Steinivotchski was the name of my imaginary friend. He was a dragon, and he was my size.", The Skeleton King said. Then he disappeared.   
"What the hell was that?", I asked.  
"I dunno. The way he's been doing that lately scares the crap out of me.", Damien said.  
"Same here. I should fire him.", Diablo said.  
"You can't fire him. He is the King of all Skeletons in the Dungeon. To fire him would create a bunch of free running skeletons. Besides. You don't pay him anyway.", I said.  
"Oh yeah. Ok, I won't fire him.", Diablo said. "All right everyone, once more, we are going to go up to the Surface World!"  
"Why?", Damien asked.  
"To find Steinivotchski, of course!", Diablo said, then he started walking in the direction of the crack behind Pepin's house.  
"No good can come of this.", I muttered, and caught up Diablo and Damien.  
We all climbed through the crack, and ended up behind Pepin's house. We were all quite startled to find a small girl staring at us.  
"Shoo! Shoo, Little Girl! We have a bear to find!", Diablo urged the girl.  
"Who are you?", the girl asked.  
"I'm the Lord of Terror! Cower before me, or feel the wrath of my claws!", Diablo said menacingly.  
"You're kinda cute. I think I'm gonna call you Theodore.", The little girl said.  
"Cute.....?", Diablo stammered. Just then, The Skeleton King walked up.  
"This is homage to the time my 8 year old sister said Diablo was cute.", he said.  
"Dammit, Leoric, you do that one more time, and I'm firing your ass!", Diablo warned. Leoric gave us all the finger as he walked through the big crack that Pepin never seems to notice.  
"Like I said Diablo, you can't fire him. Besides....he doesn't have an ass. He's a big skeleton.", I said.  
"Shut up......", Diablo said.  
"C'mon Theodore, let's go have a tea party.", the girl said.  
"Umm...no.", Diablo said. The girl produced a Gnarled Root spiked club, and hit Diablo over the head with it. He passed out.  
"You wait here Theodore, and I'll get my Tea Party things.", the girl said, wandering off.  
"So....should we take him back, or leave him?", Damien asked.  
"I say we leave him....", I said. Damien laughed. We walked through the crack.  
Six hours later, Go Fish had gotten kinda boring, so we decided to go rescue Diablo. We walked through the crack, and saw something neither of us will ever forget. Diablo was sitting in a small wooden chair, sipping imaginary tea out of a cup.  
"Isn't the tea good, Theodore?", the girl asked.  
"Yes. It's quite good. I'd like some more, please.", Diablo said, setting down his cup.  
"Here you go, Theodore.", the girl said, tipping the teapot over the cup, and pouring in more "tea".  
"Ok, Diablo, I think you've had enough fun.", I said, grabbing him. Damien grabbed on too, and we pulled him down the crack. The last sound we heard was the girl's sobbing.  
"Oh...um...thank you for rescuing me. That was the most horrible experience in my life.", Diablo said.  
"Yeah. Whatever.", Damien said.  
"Well, we'll look for Steinivotchski again tomorrow.", Diablo said. I went to bed after he said that.  
Phil the Warrior was walking through Tristram, when he saw the little girl crying.  
"What's wrong, little girl?", Phil asked.  
"Me and Theodre were playing by the crack, and the monsters got him.", she sobbed.  
"Hmm....I think I can get Theodore for you.", Phil said, thinking back to the teddy bear. Then the Skeleton King walked up.  
"Boy, is he wrong!", he said.  
"What the hell are you talking about?", Phil asked.  
"Oh, nothing.", Leoric said, then ran off, towads the church.  
"Ok, that was....odd......", Phil said.  
"So you can get Theodore for me?", the girl asked excitedly.  
"Well, I don't know. He might have wandered away from where I last saw him, but I'll try.", Phil said.  
"YAY!!", the little girl yelled, jumping up and down. Phil smiled and walked off towards the church.  
"At least I can brighten one person's day.", he said to himself. Leoric's head popped out from behind a rock.  
"Or so he THINKS!", he yelled.  
"Dammit, stop that!", Phil screamed, but Leoric had disappeared. Phil shrugged, then walked through the church.  
"Ok, we'll go back up, in.....10 minutes.", Diablo said, addressing Damien and I. Damien raised his hand. "Question.", Diablo said.  
"Why are we going back up?", Damien asked.  
"To get Steinivotchski, of course.", Diablo said.  
"I....see....", Damien said.  
"Good.", Diablo said. I put my head in my hands.  
Phil walked through the dungeon. He eventually came to Purafat's corpse. Apparantly, his blow had not killed the Fallen, but mortally wounded him. The little beast had scrawled out a message with his own blood. It read: I EXIST, DAMMIT!!! Phil was very disturbed by that. Then he found what he was looking for.  
"Ah....the bear. Finally. I've done a good deed.", Phil said. The Skeleton King's head came out from under a loose panel in the floor.  
"Boy, is he wrong! It's getting hard to find new ways for me to enter.", he said. Phil turned to tell Leoric to shut up, but he was already gone.  
"Dude, that skeleton is freaking me out.......", he said. Then he shrugged, put the teddy bear into his backpack, and walked up to the surface.  
Diablo, Damien and I were all walking up. We saw the Warrior, and decided to follow him. He led us to the Girl, where we saw him produce the bear.  
"Steinivotchski!", Diablo squealed. The skeleton king stood up, and there was a bush strapped to his back. He had apparently been camoflauged.  
"How many people didn't see THAT one coming?", he asked, the sauntered off. None of us bothered to say anything.  
"This isn't Theodore.", the girl said.  
"Huh?', Phil asked.  
"Theodore is big, red, and has a lot of horns.", she said.  
"Little girl, that's Diablo.", Phil said, matter-of-factly.  
"Dia-who?", the girl asked. Diablo ran out of the bush, reaching for his teddy bear.  
"STEINIVOTCHSKI!!!!!!", Diablo screamed  
"THEODORE!!!!!", the little girl screamed.  
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!!", Phil screamed, running off. Diablo grabbed his teddy bear out of the air, and the little girl clamped on to Diablo's leg. Phil hung Wirt, because the Monster Repellent he had sold him obviously didn't work. And nobody cared. In fact, Tristram started a National Phil Day, but only got to celebrate it twice, because everyone got killed except Cain, and he only celebrates it in his heart.  
I put my mug of ale down on the table.  
"Well.....?", Atma asked.  
"Well what?", I asked.  
"How'd it turn out?", she asked.  
"Oh. Well, Diablo got Steinivotchski back, and the little girl was happy, too.", I said.  
"How's that?", Geglash asked.  
"Diablo went and saw her every week.", I said.  
"Aww...how sweet.....", Atma said, nearly crying.  
"That..was weak.....", Geglash said, his voice breaking. Then he ran to the bathroom., where we later heard bawling sounds coming from.  
"I wonder where that girl is now....", Atma said.  
"Yeah...me too.", I said. Then I took another draft from my mug. And, unbeknownst to me, Atma, Geglash, Griez, or any of those other guys, somewhere, a demon and a little girl shared a hug.  
  
  
The Skeleton King walks in.  
"And the moral is, people, every time you see a demon, hug him. Unless he shoots, bites, or slashes at you. Then its okay to kill him.", he said. Then he threw a smoke bomb on the floor, and disappeared, all the while laughing maniacally.   
  
  
  



End file.
